Thursday, September 30, 2010

Promise to my children....

A PROMISE TO MY CHILDREN

I will stalk you,
freak out on you,
lecture you,
drive you crazy,
be your worst nightmare,
embarrass you in front of your friends,
hunt you down like a bloodhound until the day you understand why I do it.
Then I will know you are a responsible adult.
All because I  LOVE  YOU.
You will never find someone who loves you and cares about you more than your mom.



A Mother's Child

 A mother's child is every breath that she takes,
walking hand in hand, they are every step that she makes.

And as their steps will grow to strides,
still a child, in mother's eyes.

Every ache and pain they shall feel,
mother will share and with love she will kneel.

She will pray to God to take care of her child,
to protect and guide them through every mile.

Her child is the very core of her soul,
from baby in arms to an adult they will grow.

For to a mother, her child will stay,
the precious infant she held that day.

What Causes Women To Harm Their Children?

                Homicide is the leading cause of death in children under four. While many believe that Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is the leading cause of infants, the truth is that infanticide by a parent is the number one killer.  Nancy Scheper-Hughes, a professor of Anthropology and director of the program in Medical Anthropology at the University of California at Berkeley describes three types of Post Partum Depression. 
                The least threatening is “baby blues,” consisting of episodes of crying and mild mood swings typically addressed without medication or treatment.  This condition is often resolved by participating in a support group.[1]

                The onset of “Postpartum depression” occurs from a few days to a few months after childbirth.  Symptoms include extreme depression, sadness, despair and hopelessness that are so severe that it impairs the mother’s ability to cope.  Treatment is typically counseling and often medication
                The most serious mental condition is a deep depression seen within three months following childbirth.  “Postpartum psychosis” presents in a mother who is experiencing a detachment from reality and often is accompanied by hallucinations and delusions.  Medication and extended hospitalization is required.
                The most highly publicized case of postpartum psychosis occurred in Andrea Yates, the Texas mother who methodically drown all five of her children in her bathtub.  Tragically, Yates was hospitalized with postpartum depression following the birth of all of her children.   
                Mike Rustigan, a criminologist who teaches at San Francisco State University states, “The majority of the cases are impulse killings, like the classic shaken-baby syndrome in which a mother acts out of a spark of rage or frustration.”  Rustigan states that covering the mouth of a crying child often ends with the infant being suffocated.  He adds, “About 30% are premeditated murder, named Medea killings after an ancient Greek myth, a mother kills to punish someone like a cheating or abusive husband.“[2]
                Some mothers end the lives of their children because they are impeding their freedom or happiness.  The classic case of a narcissistic mother is Susan Smith, South Carolina woman who caused her vehicle to roll into a lake with her two baby boys strapped in their car seats.   Smith initially claimed that her children were car-jacked, but the truth revealed that she committed the act to free herself from the burden of raising her children. 
                The United Kingdom decades ago addressed the issue of post partum depression with the passage of the Infanticide Act.  The Infanticide Act 1922 effectively abolished the death penalty for a woman who deliberately killed her new born child while the balance of her mind was disturbed as a result of giving birth, by providing a partial defense to murder. The sentence that applies (as in other partial defenses to murder) is the same as that for manslaughter.[3] This Act was repealed and was replaced by The  Infanticide Act 1938 which extended this defense to cases where "at the time of the act or omission the balance of her mind was disturbed by reason of her not having fully recovered from the effect of giving birth to the child or by reason of the effect of lactation consequent upon the birth of the child."[4]  Before the partial murder defense of diminished responsibility was introduced to English law in the Homicide Act 1957, this provided an important means of selecting a more appropriate sentence for a mother found guilty of killing her infant than the mandatory life sentence or death sentence applying to murder at the time.
                While these are just a few examples of why mothers take the lives of their children, there are other reasons based on unique situations such as the sacrifice of weak or female children in countries that experience destitute poverty, famine or political unrest. 
                Tragically, more than 200 women kill their children in the United States every year.[5]





[1] (Harkness)
[2] (Costantinou)
[3] (Kingdom)
[4] (Kingdom)
[5] (Harkness)

Costantinou, Marianne. "Why Mothers Kill Their Kids." The San Francisco Chronicle/Examiner 26 March 1998: A.
Harkness, Sara. "The Cultural Mediation of Postpartum Depression." Medical Anthology Quarterly (1987): 194-209.
Kingdom, The Parliament of the United. "Infanticide Bill." millbanksystems.com. 29 September 2010 <http://hansard.millbanksystems.com/lords/1938/mar/22/infanticide-bill-hl (Kingdom)>.



Women who have killed their own children: 

·         Patricia Blackmon was 29 years old when she killed her 2-year-old adopted daughter in Dothan, AL in May 1999.
·         Debra Jean Milke was 25 when she killed her 4-year-old son in Arizona in 1989.

·         Dora Luz Durenrostro killed her two daughters, age 4 and 9, and her son, age 8, when she was 34 years old in San Jacinto, California in 1994.

·         Caro Socorro was 42 years old when she killed her three sons, ages 5, 8 and 11, in Santa Rosa Valley, California in 1999.

·         Susan Eubanks murdered her four sons, ages 4, 6, 7 and 14, in San Marcos, California, in 1996 when she was 33.

·         Caroline Young was 49 in Haywood, California when she killed her 4-year-old granddaughter and 6-year-old grandson.

·         Robin Lee Row was 35 years old when she killed her husband, her 10-year-old son and her 8-year-old daughter in Boise, Idaho in 1992.

·         Michelle Sue Tharp was 29 years old in Burgettstown, Pennsylvania when she killed her 7-year-old daughter.

·         Frances Elaine Newton was 21 when she murdered her husband, 7-year-old son and 2-year-old daughter in Houston, Texas. Update: Frances Elaine Newton was executed on September 14, 2005.

·         Darlie Lynn Routier was 26 in Rowlett, Texas when she was convicted of killing her 5-year-old son.

·         Teresa Michelle Lewis killed her 51-year-old husband and 26-year-old step son in Keeling, Virginia when she was 33 years old.

·         Kenisha Berry at age 20, covered her 4-day-old son with duct tape resulting in his death.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Should a mother’s efforts be counted in the GNP


“How did we ever come to believe that it was more important for somebody to have a meaningless job than to raise their children well?  This doesn’t make sense even in simple accounting terms.”
– Robert Theobald,  in Reworking Success




Women and their labors have always been an afterthought, discarded efforts like the daily trash.  No matter the sacrifice and the amount of struggle, it was just what women were supposed to do.  So why has no one placed value in the valiant efforts that millions of women produce on a daily basis?  To be honest, women’s work doesn’t produce any benefit to the GNP (Gross National Product) of any nation.  GNP measures ‘tangible’ income, such as profits derived by companies and units produced by industry.  GNP does not measure ‘intangibles’ such as new innovations, care provided to the elderly by a family member, or the 18+ year job of raising a responsible human being from birth to adulthood.  The GNP process and its creator, Sir Richard Stone, was awarded the Nobel Prize for initiating the first ever measuring stick for establishing  a rating system for nations to measure their volume of monetary transactions.  The only problem is that there are many efforts that produce value for a nation that foregoes monetary reimbursement. 
Ann Crittenden, in her work The Truly Invisible Hand writes, “Women have always had a hard time being “counted.”  The verb “to count” has several meanings: “to matter, “ “to make a difference, “ “to enumerate.”  Women have long been regarded as deficient in all of these ways, including the idea that they are not very good at math.  But in the days when men were still the undisputed heads of the household, there was great respect for the activity that takes place in the home – and recognition that it did, in fact, generate wealth.  The very word “economics” derives from the Greek rook oikonomia, the management of the household.  Aristotle had the highest regard for oikonomia and made an important distinction between it and chrematistics.  Oikonomia referred to the management of a household so as to increase its use value to all of its members over the long run. Chrematistics was the manipulation of the property and wealth so as to maximize short-term exchange values.” [1]
So, I must admit that first of all, I take offense to the statement that women are not good at math.  Many women handle the financial end of unions, whether tied by marriage or not.  Furthermore, my oldest daughter made a perfect score on the math section of the SAT, so that blows that theory completely out of the water for me!  Not to mention that I made an A in Calculus & Physics!  But, then as we all know, women are verbal, not logical (yea, right)!

Karen L. Hooks and Shirley J. Cheramy in the Journal of Accountancy state, "Firms with 20 or fewer AICPA members hired a greater proportion of females.  These results are consistent with the annual AICPA (American Institute of CPAs) Supply of Accounting Graduates and Demand for Accounting Recruits studies, which found that since the mid-1980s, more than half of the accounting graduates--and since the late 1980s, about half of public accounting entry-level hires--have been women. These results support the perception that gender parity seems solid at the entry level." (Hooks)[2]
At the heart of the matter is the fact that work performed by women and mothers is considered ‘free.’   It has no monetary value and does not contribute to the GNP of their native country.  Quite frankly, nothing counts in the GNP unless it is bought for a price and sold for a price!  So that bodes the question, do mother’s efforts really contribute to society, in that their work should be counted in the GNP?

Crittenden debates that “Conscientious mothers, motivated by feelings of compassion and love, nurture, protect and train children for adulthood.  Fathers, other female caregivers, and relatives may play a part in this process, but mothers have the primary role.  Their altruism, and willingness to do all that they can for their offspring, left unfettered, will be guided as if by an invisible hand to produce healthy children who will become the productive, enterprising economic men and women of the future.  Conscientious mothers, in other words, are the contemporary practitioners of oikonomia: the building and preservation of long-term communal value that used to be the essence of economics.”[3]
It is important to note that the quality of the first years of the life of child has shown to directly impact the future human intellectual and emotional capabilities of the child.  Research in Child Development has pinpointed that “the care and guidance of the young child lays the essential groundwork for the formation of human knowledge, skills, creativity and entrepreneurship.” [4] Ergo, human capabilities that produce human capital… i.e., the people that make money, are dependent upon the mother figure.  Crittenden states that “human capital – or human capabilities – is an even more important component of a nation’s riches than natural capital (land, minerals, water) or physical capital (bricks and mortar, machines, roads).  “[5]
I conclude with this thought.  Crittenden states that “The prevailing assumption is that the formation of productive skills begins with the formal education, when a child goes off to school.  Somehow, in the abstract world of economics, curious babies spontaneously evolve into eager students, ready to read and write.”[6]

To support Crittenden’s stance, I firmly believe thatI” created the people that my children are today!  If you think that my girls emerged from my uterus being gifted or uniquely talented, you are wrong! The positive environment encouraging curiosity that they experienced from birth to age 5 created the individuals who developed a thirst for knowledge at such a young age… to know how to count, to repeat the alphabet, and even read, by the time their seat was assigned in kindergarten! It was the years that I struggled to pay for them to attend to NASA Space Camp, to take ballet, explore music, and to enroll in algebra classes in the summer rather than hanging out at the pool. Those were the experiences that created the women who are well respected doctors today, aiding patients as their hearts fail and enabling the gift of hearing to those who have lost that sense.
I so vividly remember the parent-teacher conference when my older daughter was in the 2nd grade.  I was cognizant that this teacher was having no impact on the future development of my child as she looked straight at me and said,”Mrs. Humphrey, I am paid by the State of North Carolina to teach the Second Grade.  If your child performs at a sixth grade level that is not my problem.”  I firmly believe that I created, within the first five years of her life, the child who excels, who surpasses the ordinary, who reaches for the stars.  But my tax dollars only pay for the ordinary, the mediocre. 
It was not the secondary education, or the universities who produced my daughters’ intelligence, talent & determination… it was my efforts during their first years of life; creating an environment of discovery, of awakening, of curiosity, that produced the fine women who on a daily basis serve the needs of others.  I must admit that I did not take credit for their success until I was well into my forties, when I suddenly looked at my life and said… hey, I did this, me and me alone!  I created these masterpieces!  So, why I am I not as revered as Michelangelo or Botticelli?

Now, I ask you… should a mother’s efforts be counted in the GNP of a nation?  Why shouldn’t our work be valued – counted in the production of our nation?  Surely, I did my job to increase the GNP… why are my years of dedication to the next generation not worth anything on the bottom line? 
 Please comment if you think your efforts should be valuable enough to be counted in the economic value of the nation.





Works Cited

Crittenden, Ann. The Price of Motherhood. New York, NY: Metropolitan Books, 2001.
Hooks, Karen L. Hooks and Cheramy, Shirley J. "Facts and Myths about Women CPAs." Journal of Accountancy 178 (1998).




[1](Crittenden 66-67)
[2] (Hooks & Chermany)
[3] (Crittenden 68)
[4](Crittenden 71)
[5](Crittenden 71)
[6](Crittenden 74)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Just what are YOU worth?

Ever wondered what you are worth?  Really, I am not kidding… you know how hard you work – ever thought about it?  What are your efforts worth?  Sure, if you work outside your home, you know what your job pays you, but what about all that other stuff that women are expected to do?  If you didn’t clean your house, you would pay for a maid, if you didn’t do your laundry, you would send it all to the cleaners, if you didn’t cook your meals, you would pay a chef or eat out every meal.  See what I mean?  So, just what ARE you worth?
For the 10th consecutive year, salary.com has released their Mom Salary Wizard that will calculate what you should be paid for all the work you do.  “Salary.com has valuated the "mom job" of both the Working and Stay-at-Home Moms! Based on a survey of more than 28,000 mothers, Salary.com determined that the time mothers spend performing 10 typical job functions would equate to an annual salary of $117,867 for a stay-at-home mom. Working moms 'at-home' salary is $71,868 in 2010; this is in addition to the salary they earn in the workplace.”[1] 
In order of the amount of time that Moms spend at these tasks, the ranked titles of a mothers work are: housekeeper, day care center teacher, cook, computer operator, facilities manager, van driver, psychologist, laundry machine operator, janitor and chief executive officer.  Salary.com determined the pay for each of these jobs based on today’s economy, provided the annual salary as well has the hourly pay.  They listed the number of hours per week that a stay-at-home Mom performed the task as well as the number of hours per week that a working engaged in the action. 
And the total salary for mom should be...  (And don't forget the overtime!)
Stay-at-Home Mom: 58.9 hours of overtime
Working Mom: 20.5 hours of overtime

With time and a half for overtime, if an employer had to pay cash for all that mom does:
Stay-at-Home Mom: $117,855.86
Working Mom: $71,860.37*
*This is on top of Working Mom’s regular salary, of course.
Cruise on over and see what you are worth.  You can even print yourself a paycheck once you compute your salary!
Here’s a great slide show on what each job is worth:

Monday, September 27, 2010

The Most Exquisite Suffering

 If you are a mother, you have certainly experienced that moment when you felt like you had reached your breaking point… the kids are screaming at the top of their lungs in unison, the six year old is running  from window to window, slicing at the curtains with his sabre light sword, the four year old has just broken a glass on the floor and is about to pick it up with her bare hands, the baby, who wreaks of a recently soiled diaper, has just tossed his dinner all over the freshly painted wall and ‘their’ father is nowhere to be found.  You have worked all day at your paying job, rushed to pick the kids up from day care before they assessed you a fine for being late, came home and began to do your best to throw something together to eat and now this.  Not to mention the fact that you have about 8 loads of laundry to do and the baby is out of Pampers.  Suddenly, you smell the distinct odor of burning food.  Geez, what next?  Do you feel it?  Your life, at that point, is more than you can possible endure, yet there is no way out.

Most women have experienced this loss of control, whether it be caused by the absence of another caregiver to provide relief from the constant attention needed by children or the disheartening feeling that any life you had before children has disappeared, any skill or talent you possessed will never again lift your spirit… you are, after all, a Mother!
For the majority of mothers, this frustrating experience is just that, frustrating!  They make it through the tough days, often manifested with anger toward their children, but they still love them with all their hearts and would never do them any harm.  But for other women, their emotions do not allow them to overcome the pain, the feeling that they are imprisoned, that their children are the source of their burdens, and they are consumed with uncontrollable anger, guilt and even violence. 
A young Radcliffe educated poet, Adrienne Rich, began to document her painful journey through motherhood in 1960, reflecting upon her guilt, expectations and anger.  In the 60s, women were expected to be loving stay at home moms, with their entire world encased by their children.  Rich explains, “the modern image of the good mother – the full-time, stay-at-home mother, isolated in the private sphere and financially dependent on her husband-came about as a result of industrialization that took work out of the home and repositioned the domestic space, at least among the middle class, as an exclusively nonproductive and private realm, separate from the public sphere of work.  In the Victorian period that followed industrialization, the ideology of moral motherhood that saw mothers as naturally pure, pious and chaste emerged as the dominate discourse of motherhood.  This ideology, however, was race-and class-specific; only white, middle-class women would wear the halo of Madonna and transform the world through their moral influence and social housekeeping.”
At a time when women were supposed to be quiet, abiding and obedient, Rich broke the mold and began to express her frustration with society’s expectations of mothers as well as the agony and isolation she experienced, tied all alone in her world of solitude with her 3 children.  Her overflowing emotions spill into her words, “My children cause me the most exquisite suffering of which I have any experience.  It is the suffering of ambivalence: the murderous alternation between bitter resentment and raw-edged nerves, and blissful gratification and tenderness.”  Wow, while I certain remember feeling the raw-edged nerves as well as the bliss, I could never mention the word children in the same sentence as murderous.  I was stunned by Rich’s revelation and quite frankly thought she was a selfish, spoiled brat. 
She continued to anger me as she wrote,”In a living room in 1975, I spend an evening with a group of women poets, some of whom had children.  One had brought hers along, and they slept or played in adjoining rooms.  We talked of poetry, and also of infanticide, of the case of a local woman, the mother of eight, who had been in severe depression since the birth of her third child, and who had recently murdered and decapitated her two youngest, on the suburban front lawn.  Several women in the group, feeling a direct connection with her desperation, had signed a letter to the local newspaper protesting the way her act was perceived by the press and handled by the community health system.  Every woman in that room who had children, every poet, could identify with her.  We spoke of the wells of anger that her story cleft open in us.  We spoke of our moments of murderous anger at our children, because there was no one and nothing else on which to discharge anger.  We spoke in the sometimes tentative, sometimes rising sometimes bitterly witty, unrhetorical tones and language of women who had met together over our common work, poetry, and who found another common ground in the unacceptable, but undeniable anger.  The words are being spoken now, are being written down; the taboos are being broken, the masks of motherhood are cracking through.”
As I continued to read Rich’s prose, there was no doubt that she deeply loved her children, yet she was stuck in a world that stifled her every thought, her actions and her ability to life her life.  While Rich only expounded upon her feelings and never acted upon them, other women have been unable to contain the depression and mental instability.  Consider Andrea Yates, a mother of five who methodically drowned all of her children in a bathtub then calmly called police.  Most of us will recall South Carolina mother Susan Smith who initially reported to police in 1994 that she had been carjacked by a black man who drove away with her sons still in the car. Smith made tearful pleas on television for the rescue and return of her children.  Nine days later, following an intensive, heavily publicized investigation and a nationwide search, Smith eventually confessed to letting her 1990 Mazda Protegé roll into nearby John D. Long Lake, drowning her children inside. 
According to the American Anthropological Association, more than 200 women kill their children in the United States each year. Three to five children a day are killed by their parents. Homicide is one of the leading causes of death of children under age four, yet we continue to "persist with the unrealistic view that this is rare behavior," says Jill Korbin, expert on child abuse, who has studied mothers who killed their children.
“We should detach from the idea of universal motherhood as natural and see it as a social response," Nancy Scheper-Hughes, medical anthropologist says. Women in jail reported that no-one believed them when they said they wanted to kill their children. "There's a collective denial even when mothers come right out and say, "I really shouldn't be trusted with my kids."
I must admit, these statistics shocked me.  My children are the most wonderful part of my life; why I feel as if my only mission here on this earth was to give life to them.  So, I ask, what depth of sorrow, what dark depression, what lack of moral and physical support for the act of mothering could possibly cause this tragic outcome?   I have discovered that a mother’s violence toward her children is more prevalent than most of us realize.  While it was difficult for me to understand Adrienne Rich, to be sympathetic to her anger-filled emotions, alas, she is not alone.  We as a society need to support mothers of small children.  Women need relief from the constant demands of children, and quite frankly, we as Americans don’t do a good job of assisting our most precious resource possessing the key to molding our future: Mothers.
 
Have you ever felt this mothering anger?
Did your wife, mother or friend experience this anger?
How did you deal with it?
What is your perception of women who harm their children?

Who is Adrienne Rich?

Adrienne Cecile Rich
Adrienne Cecile Rich is an American poet, essayist and feminist. She has been called "one of the most widely read and influential poets of the second half of the 20th century."[1]  Her father, the renowned pathologist Arnold Rice Rich, was a professor of medicine at Johns Hopkins Medical School and her mother, Helen Jones Rich, was a concert pianist.  Rich gained her college education at Radcliffe College, Harvard, where she focused primarily on poetry and writing, encountering no women teachers at all.[2] In 1951, her last year at college, Rich's first collection of poetry, A Change of World, was selected by the senior poet W.H. Auden for the Yale Series of Younger Poets Award; he went on to write the introduction to the published volume. Following her graduation, Rich received a Guggenheim Fellowship, to study in Oxford for a year. Following a visit to Florence, she decided to cut short her study at Oxford and spend her remaining time in Europe writing and exploring Italy.[3]
This woman of privilege married Alfred Haskell Conrad, an economics professor at Harvard University, in 1953.  They settled in Cambridge, Massachusetts and had three sons - David in 1955, Paul in 1957 and Jacob in 1959.  She published her second volume, The Diamond Cutters in 1955, a collection she says she wish had not been published.[4]  Rich published her third collection of poems,  Snapshots of a Daughter-in-Law, which was a more personal work examining her female identity, reflecting the increasing tensions she experienced as a wife and mother in the 1950s, marking a substantial change in Rich's style and subject matter. In her 1982 essay Split at the Root: An Essay on Jewish Identity, Rich states "The experience of motherhood was eventually to radicalize me." The book met with harsh reviews. She comments, "I was seen as 'bitter' and 'personal'; and to be personal was to be disqualified, and that was very shaking because I'd really gone out on a limb ...I realized I'd gotten slapped over the wrist, and I didn't attempt that kind of thing again for a long time."[5]

She continued her travels during 1961 and 1962 with a second Guggenheim Fellowship, to work at the Netherlands Economic Institute.[6] In 1964, Rich joined the New Left and in 1966, Rich moved with her family to New York, becoming involved in anti-war, civil rights and feminist activism; her husband took a teaching position at City College of New York.[7] Rich's activism and increasing politicization are reflected the poems in her next three collections Necessities of Life (1966), Leaflets (1969), and The Will to Change (1971), also highlighting an expanding interest in poetic form. Rich, from this point forward, became increasingly represented with the women's movement.[8] From 1967, Rich held positions at Swarthmore College and Columbia University School of the Arts and from 1968, with City College of New York. Increasingly militant, Rich hosted anti-Vietnam and Black Panther fundraising parties at their apartment; tensions began to split the marriage, Conrad fearing that his wife had lost her mind.[9] The couple separated in mid- 1970 and shortly afterwards, in October, Conrad drove into woods and shot himself. [10] [11]

Rich's feminist position crystallized in her coming out as a lesbian in 1976, the year she published the controversial volume Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Experience and Institution.  It is from this book that I will share my thoughts. 
Selected Awards and Honors




[1] Nelson, Cary, editor. Anthology of Modern American Poetry. Oxford University Press. 2000

[2] Martin, Wendy (1984) An American triptych: Anne Bradstreet, Emily Dickinson, Adrienne Rich The University of North Carolina Press p174 ISBN 0807841129

[6] Shuman , R. Baird (2002) Great American Writers: Twentieth Century. Marshall Cavendish
[7] Shuman , R. Baird (2002) Great American Writers: Twentieth Century. Marshall Cavendish
[8] Shuman , R. Baird (2002) Great American Writers: Twentieth Century. Marshall Cavendish
[11] Shuman , R. Baird (2002) Great American Writers: Twentieth Century. Marshall Cavendish